Subtle Messages

Greetings to all of you amazing women out there!

Each and every one of you truly was created to be amazing in your own unique way. Unfortunately we do not always feel that way, and often, as a result do not live up to our full potential. This may  cause you to feel like there is something inherently wrong with you. I assure you there is not! There are many reasons for why we feel this way. One of those is the subtle messages we have heard, experienced, and have seen over the course of our lifetime. 

These messages tell a female that she is somehow not as smart as a man. She is not as competent as a man and she must have a specific role. She must develop certain characteristics to be truly feminine and have worth. On the surface, in general, some cultures are showing improvement. But in reality, the subtle messages are still there. We grow up with these messages  so we tend to not even think about them. But they are everywhere!

Examples:

• A man wants to tease another man about his football team, the Dallas Cowboys, so he calls them the Cowgirls.
• “You throw like a girl”
• “He screamed like a little girl”
• A political meme shows a male politician sitting with their legs crossed. The way to insult his political stand/strength states “no wonder, he sits like a woman”
• Kindergarten Sunday School worksheet showing pictures of ways to serve Jesus shows pictures of men preaching and being missionaries, and women serving food.
• The old princess stories- do I need to even go there!
• Fathers teach their boys how to mow the lawn while moms teach their girls how to cook
• How many times have you seen on TV when someone like a coach or military leader walks in to the room to get on to the boys/men and says “OK ladies…”
• A senior year photo is posted with a comment about where the teen is going to school. Comments for a girl all say how beautiful she is. For a boy they say how smart he is.
• When a couple goes in to buy a house or a car, a salesman will talk to the man, and not the woman.
• Women's clothes are designed for beauty, while men's clothes are designed for comfort. 
• Girls have dress codes when boys do not.
• Boys make fun of other boys by saying things like, "you are wearing pink! That's a girl color."

I could go on for pages like this, but I think you get the idea. When girls grow up hearing and seeing these messages all around them, it creates faulty beliefs, beliefs that are engrained in to the very core of her being. Beliefs she is not even aware of. When boys grow up hearing and seeing these messages all around them, they develop faulty beliefs about women. These faulty beliefs affect our society as a whole, as well as each of us individually.

Once you open up your eyes to them, then you will notice them everywhere. Recently I pointed out how sexist old TV shows were. The police officers were all male. The only females were secretaries, or the helpless victims of the crime. The one visiting female police officer had to be rescued by the men as she was cowering from the gun shots. I pointed this out to a man and his response was, "that's the most insane thing I ever heard. It's entertainment, just enjoy it."

Although the entertainment industry is slowly making progress, social media has brought on new challenges. A woman shows how she is valued and how she has worth by posting pictures of the huge bouquet of flowers she gets from her partner. Or the vacation he takes her on, or the gifts he buys her. Girls use all types of filters, and practice posing, to get just the right "glamour shot" of themselves. They thrive on all the comments of how beautiful they are. I am not saying it is wrong to show off your sweet partner, or to post a beautiful picture of yourself, as long as it is not where you get your value and worth from. There is more to you than that.

If you spend time around children then you can see how these subtle messages infect minds. I was talking about my friend who works with snakes to a martial arts class I was teaching, when a very confused boy responded to me, "But she's a girl!" Boys will tease other boys for absolutely anything that seems even remotely female, such as if a boy decides he wants to the play the flute or take dance lessons. 

Children are not born with these ideas, they obviously come from adults. Adults who say things like, "boys will be boys", or tell a girl the reason a boy is picking on her is because he likes her (set up for tolerating abuse).

So what do we do to overcome?

• We need to recognize them.
• When we see them, point out the sexism in an educational way, not in a condemning way.
• Look at ourselves with an open mind to explore and examine our own faulty thinking.
• Change the dialogue!
• Change our thinking!

Let's look at the example of the political comment. The person was trying to put someone down of another political party, but instead they put down women as a whole. Recognizing this and refuting it in our mind is critically important. There are plenty of strong female political figures we can think of. Acknowledge to yourself how what you just saw is false and firmly plant the truth in your mind. All of this can be done without getting angry or agitated. There is enough of that going around, but that is a topic for another day.

When you post a picture of your teen daughter on social media, instead of stating "my beautiful daughter", state "my brilliant daughter". Instead of the picture being a model type of photo, post an action photo. Maybe a photo of her hiking or climbing a rock wall. The same goes for posting a picture of yourself. Show your inner strength! Think how cool it would be, instead of receiving comments such as, "oh how beautiful", you get the comment, "What a Bad Ass!" Now there is a comment I would like to see!

The first step is awareness. As I said earlier, we have grown up with these messages all around us, so we often do not realize they are there. But they have affected how we view ourselves. We must be aware of of them so we can refute them and change our thinking and internal belief system. This is not an overnight fix. We must diligently work on this, but thankfully we do not have to work alone. 

I would love to see you in my Liberating Women Community so we can work together, and support other women in liberating themselves as well. 

Be Bold, Be Strong,

Stephanie